Author: Ezekiel Dayo Adetunji
Title: Power in the Spoken Word!
Reviewer: Rowland Olonishuwa
Every sane human wants the good things of life; a fat bank account, a good job, a peaceful and beautiful home and of course, the best spouse in the world. However, not everyone is ready to make the choices that would attract these goodies and in the game of life the rule is that ‘if you can’t pay the price you can’t have the goods,’ there is no shortcut.
A senior colleague once said, “Life is choice driven.” This is true because whether you act positively or otherwise is your choice. It is your choice whether you will get your wish or not. This is what the book, Power in the Spoken Word, is all about.
Throughout the 28 chapters of the book, Ezekiel Dayo Adetunji, the author, discussed in very simple language the importance of being positive in a relationship. A better title for the book could have been “guide to positive daily living” or “nuggets for a successful relationship.” This is because the 111 paged book contains nuggets that if properly imbibe could attract the goodies of life to one. What’s more, the book, though written for adults, is written in clear and simple English, simple enough to be understood by children in the primary school.
In the first chapter of the book, Mission, the author affirmed the importance of challenges. “Stress is a wonderful thing… you need to find yourself in a situation where you are desperately short of resources so as to know how to manage your words!” he said.
He also affirmed the importance of learning and continuous learning as this is what makes a complete man. “Maintain the quality service within you, and provide continuous quality service everyday …. learning has no end”
In chapter two of the book, Pitfalls and Swimming in Sin, Adetunji does not leave his readers guessing his religious, or rather moral, inclinations as he tackles the issue of co-habitation, random sex partners and other immoral activities now celebrated in our society.
Although he recognized that “living together without being married is very common nowadays,” he bluntly opined that “living with a man you are not married to is like stealing and you are a thief. You are both stealing from each other, because it does not belong to either of you! So stop stealing and get your own in a proper way!”
This point of view, probably may not be unconnected to Adetunji’s strict upbringing in a family ‘where discipline was an ethic for every child of his father’
Still on doing the right thing, Adetunji goes ahead to define the importance of a document in Chapter 3, A Document. He also discusses how sleeping postures of couples speak volumes about the health of the relationship.
In chapter 4 which is subtitled as Ideas, the author tries to define the whole book, although he did that on a more elaborate scale in chapters 17and 22. He explains that “the positive word neither condemns anybody nor praises anyone, but it teaches how we can do it together….”
Although, he revealed his desire to expose his readers to a life of positive thinking, Adetunji was modest enough to affirm the power of choice “talking with you in this way can’t change your life for you unless you want to change your life for the better,” he said.
The book, Power in the Spoken Word, is all about having and maintaining a positive relationship and so chapter 5, Relationship, defined the importance of relationships. In this chapter, the author stressed the importance of having a clear goal before meeting your partner. The importance of being a TEAM, SMART and the place of sex in a relationship are also discussed.
Adetunji discussed Confidence in chapter 6 of the book. He stressed that confidence in a relationship is built on commitment while sincerity and thanksgiving waters it to make it blossom. He therefore urged couples to spend more time together in commitment and sincerity so as to boost confidence in their relationship.
Chapter 7 of the book, Power in the Spoken Word, dealt with a vital virtue that most people run away from, Sacrifice. It is a virtue that cements relationships but most shy away from it. In this chapter Adetunji revealed its importance through true life stories.
Remarriage is discussed in chapter 8 and the author strongly supports it, arguing that “In relationships there is no best; both partners are equal, because one can do without the other. Think now and go back to your ex- if he/she has yet to get someone else in wedlock.”
Chapter 9, Happy Married Life, urged couples to keep their love life constantly aglow by spending quality time together. “Make sure you are scheduling quality time together. It is the most important aspect and a valuable key to keep your romance alive forever,” he said.
In chapter 10, Adetunji sidestep to speak on the importance of slimming with Bonsal. He spoke glowing of the drug but failed to tell his readers where to buy it and the price.
Everyone makes resolutions but bringing them to reality is the major problem and this is what chapter 11 deals with. In chapter 12, the author urged couples to avoid suspicion in their relationship and even in the event that a suspicion is confirmed the best way out is to be clear headed and calm. “Marriage is not about score keeping or competition but complementing your partner,” he reasoned.
Sexual Myths and the Truth about it is discussed in chapter 13. Although the author did not discuss any sexual myth, he affirmed that sex in marriage should not be guided by any rule or law but by the desire and wish of the couples involved and the need for them to understand each other.
Adetunji reels out 10 principles to help develop personal self image in chapter 14 but cautioned “Never, for even one day be obsessed with your personal appearance… never be afraid to admit your mistakes… never stop learning… never despise your weakness… realize that your talent is a gift, not something you have manufactured yourself….”
Workaholic is the title for chapter 15 and here the author gives two major reasons people work so hard at the expense of a relationship. Grief with Loss is the title of Chapter 16 and Adetunji presented a well researched work on how to grief with dignity. Loss, especially the death of a loved one could happen to anyone and that is when one becomes vulnerable. Chapter 16 deals with loopholes to avoid and also how to handle such traumatizing situation.
Just like in chapters 4 and 22, chapter 17 explains why it is important to stay positive and “just love, no matter what”. He revealed that “when you marry and stay in marriage, it could improve your self-image and is likely to make you a better-behaved person and more successful. Married people seem to be healthier than the divorced, who suffer 30 percent more from chronic conditions.”
Life is not all about pleasing everyone. This is what chapter 18, You are Precious, is all about. Adetunji explained that when you lose your individuality you lose everything. Therefore it is important to know you are precious because according to him, “the buyer will pay no more than what the seller is demanding.”
Do You Smile? is the heading for chapter 19 and here the author discussed the importance of a smile and equal rights in the home. Chapter 20 focused on faithfulness in the home bringing to the fore those things which are easily ignored but happen in our everyday life, relationship with God and his creatures.
Chapter 21 is on Learning to Live together. Here, the author encourages couples to “take delight in honuoring each other. Be patient in trouble and prayerful in fasting.” He reiterates that love, true love, is the foundation of a strong relationship.
Watch what You Say is the heading for chapter 22, and the author enjoined parents to speak positively to each other and to their children, to be plain while speaking to their children and avoid negativism and use of gutter language in the presence of their children because “you do not know who is looking at you!”
Chapter 23, the Simple Steps to Success in a Relationship gives an insight into what it takes to start a successful relationship and how to maintain it. Single and Sad Living is the heading for chapter 24 and without mincing words the author condemns this type of life style in its totality.
Adetunji reverts to religion while discussing Positive Thinking in chapter 25. He explained that the source of negative thoughts and words is actually the Devil. He therefore encouraged that “don’t hit back, discover beauty in everyone. Get along with everybody, don’t insist on getting things by force… if you see your enemy hungry, please give him a good lunch….”
Chapter 26 is centered on Maturity and the author affirmed that maturity has nothing to do with age but the level of control one can exhibit in the face of challenges. “Maturity is also being at peace with what you think you cannot change, having the courage to make an impact and influencing the change,” he said.
Take Control and Prove Your Love is the title for chapters 27 and 28 respectively. Here the author re-echoed chapter 18 and stressed the importance of taking control of one’s life but here he adds that one should consider his/her partner. He seems to be saying, “taking control is good but while taking control of your life prove your love to your partner; include him or her in your success story.”
Man is imperfection and his creations are never without fault, the same goes for this book. As one reads through the whole book there are serious suggestions that it was not thoroughly edited. On almost every page of the book one is assailed with both typographical and grammatical errors. Also, on page 97 to 99 –almost the whole of chapter 25- is a reproduction of pages 60 to 62!
However, the importance of the messages in the book outweighs its shortcomings. You gain more by staying positive and according to the author “the motivation of the body depends on the activities in the brain. When you improve the brain part of the network, you will make the body part more regulated. If you are in a positive state of mind, the brain will send down nice signals to the body, and you will be happier in your day-to-day activities.” So it is a win-win situation!
(c)Olutayo IRAN-TIOLA, Lagos, Nigeria